Out edition by JW Kilhey Literature Fiction eBooks
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Joe Dawson is a driven young man, hard working, and eager to please his father. But Joe has a secret...perhaps he has a few. In small town like Holton, South Carolina, Joe is the biggest thing around young, talented, destined for greatness. As the pressure builds from the outside, Joe feels close to snapping. He is not being honest with himself about who he is and what he wants. He must make a choice be what everyone else wants him to be or strike out and be his own man.
Out edition by JW Kilhey Literature Fiction eBooks
I struggled with what to rate this book. Some parts were fantastic, but others left such a bad taste in my mouth that they overpowered all that was good.Out is told through the eyes of Joe Dawson, a high school senior in a small, southern town. He is a supremely talented football player destined for great things, but he's also severely struggling with his increasing awareness of his homosexuality, something he finds both intriguing and revolting. He's able to explore these feelings in secret with fellow classmate Darren, but his determination to be "straight" makes this relationship volatile and toxic. Despite this fragility, I love how the author crafted it. She characterizes Darren with just the right amount of unrequited love and expresses Joe's conflicting feelings of want and guilt in a believable, heartfelt manner. Watching Joe fall for Darren--seeing his shifting views through his eyes and thoughts--is beautiful and tragic. And just when it gets to that part of the book where the two would be expected to become a couple, BAM! Not so much. Enter Luke (also a senior) and Eli (who attended the school last year but with whom Joe has a college class). All of a sudden, Darren is out of Joe's life as Joe becomes infatuated with these other two men. I found both Luke and Eli to be unlikable characters. First, it felt like they were cut out of the same mold: both were gorgeous, had great bodies, and personas that oozed arrogance and self-awareness of how pretty they were. Second, they gave the impression of being borderline rapists: both men initiated sex with Joe at times where either Joe didn't want it was completely inappropriate given the situation. They were pushy and seemed to only care about their gratification, even though they constantly told Joe how much they wanted him. Luke indicated that he knew Darren cared for Joe and that they probably had something special and encouraged Joe to try to make it up with Darren, yet at the same time he would jump Joe every chance he got. Even when Joe discovers that Darren is depressed and slowly retreating into the world, he'll briefly mention his regret over his actions but immediately, once again, Luke enters the picture and all Joe can think about is sex (which he admonishes himself for when it's with Darren, but can't get enough of when it's with the other two). Then there was the whole threesome scene, at which point my eyes were constantly rolling. Finally toward the end Joe started realizing that he didn't want to be with Luke or Eli and that he missed Darren (but not before repeatedly acknowledging this and then blatantly disregarding it to have sex with Luke or Eli). He confessed all of this to Darren but I found his reasons weak and unsympathetic. To me, Darren was the strongest character, and the only one who remained true until the very end. I understand what Kilhey was trying to accomplish with Joe's trials and tribulations, but I don't think she pulled it off very well. The constant sex scenes with Joe and Luke or Eli felt superfluous and meaningless; in a different context they might have been hot but I was so repulsed by all three characters that I couldn't get into them. Whereas Joe's relationship with Darren felt realistic and carefully crafted, his relationship with Luke and Eli felt superficial and fake. Their parts felt like they should have belonged in a different story.
Except what was mentioned above, I found the rest of the book very believable. Coming from a rural town myself, I've seen firsthand the hate and disgust that Joe and Darren experienced. The actions of Joe's abusive father felt realistic as opposed to stereotypical. I loved how raw and emotional this book got. That's what drew me in and kept me from putting this book down for the first 60%.
Overall, I'm not sure how much I can recommend this book. While I loved most of it, the things I detested reign supreme in my memories of this story. I think there are better coming of age/coming out stories out there, but $2.99's not a bad price if you're really desperate for something to read. Books within this theme/genre that I liked much better are Thinking Straight by Robin Reardon, Falling From The Sky by Nikki Godwin, Pinned by Maris Black, and Us Three by Mia Kerick (which does have a m/m/m relationship but was handled beautifully and believably).
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Out edition by JW Kilhey Literature Fiction eBooks Reviews
This is the best coming-to-awareness-that-you-are-gay story that I have read in quite a while; I absolutely adored it and will reread it again and again. Amazingly poignant, extremely funny, and yet containing elements that horrify, the book is a sizzling joyride of angst, terror and the kindness of strangers. From the opening pages the book had me laughing, wondering, and speed-reading, as I undertook the exquisite, emotion-filled odyssey into the heart of a young athlete.
Highly disciplined, Joe is an outstanding jock in his senior year of high school. When I say highly disciplined I mean the guy has a fanatical daily schedule; all things revolve around his father's dictate that he catch the eye of a scout at one of the top football colleges. The true goal a career in the NFL. In short, Joe practices, a lot. If he isn't practicing he's exercising to make sure his practice improves. If he isn't exercising, he's studying, to make certain his SAT scores support his chance at a top college. If he isn't studying, he's working at his father's sporting goods store, where, if business is slow, his father boxes with him. In-between these activities, sometimes he is allowed a meager meal, caloric intake is strictly overseen by his father.
While Joe exhausts himself to the point of fatigue each day, his mind fractures in splinters of worry. Is he disappointing his father? Is he good enough? Is he behind the other boys on his team? Why are their bodies in better shape even though he works out more? Why is he noticing their bodies anyway? Why isn't he interested in any of the sure-thing girls at the after-game parties? Why did he let Darren, the apparent omega of his posse, blow him? And why the hell did he enjoy it?
Joe is a fantastic suffering hero, it did not take long for me to fall completely in love with him; by the book's end I wished I could meet him.
Beautifully underplayed, highly stimulating, and bittersweet, like the finest of dark chocolate, J.W. Kilhey has written a wonderful story that captures the single-mindedness of youth, the sorrow of loss and the triumph of losing the ties that bind. The writing is swift and sure, bringing to mind the high school rites of passages each of us undergo, without dwelling overlong in the school halls. The supporting characters are thoroughly sketched out, each captivating in their own special way. But the true gift of the book is in the slow reveal and evolution of lovely Joe and his discovery of who he is, what he wants, and his triumphant conquering of his demons.
I must say that I feel my review does not capture the amazing experience which this novel brings. I feel, well, inadequate and I don't want to reveal any spoilers. I will say this; I am not a fan of football, I am not a fan of coming out stories, but I am now a fan of J W Kilhey.
Thank you, J.W. Kilhey, for this precious and electrifying story. "Intense, sexy, smart!"
Wow. Easily one of the best coming-of-age stories I've read in decades. The protagonist's life centers around high school football, but his soul is clearly elsewhere.
The main character is consumed by misunderstanding. His father believes he is property of his father, and treats him as such. His mother believes he is a poor replacement for his older, now dead, brother. His friends have no clue about what drives him. The girls in his life are after his body, unaware that he simply isn't interested. His coach and teachers have him pigeon-holed, but he's not a pigeon. The two young men with whom he is intimate pretend to have an interest in him, but eventually prove to be too shallow. And he rejects the young man who loves him, unaware that this is what he needs.
The plot is both predictable and poignant. The writing is excellent and captures the culture of group-think and cliquishness in football-obsessed small towns. The protagonist's character is incredibly well-drawn, although other characters could do with more depth, and more dimensions.
I was sorry to see the book end. A sequel would be most welcome.
I struggled with what to rate this book. Some parts were fantastic, but others left such a bad taste in my mouth that they overpowered all that was good.
Out is told through the eyes of Joe Dawson, a high school senior in a small, southern town. He is a supremely talented football player destined for great things, but he's also severely struggling with his increasing awareness of his homosexuality, something he finds both intriguing and revolting. He's able to explore these feelings in secret with fellow classmate Darren, but his determination to be "straight" makes this relationship volatile and toxic. Despite this fragility, I love how the author crafted it. She characterizes Darren with just the right amount of unrequited love and expresses Joe's conflicting feelings of want and guilt in a believable, heartfelt manner. Watching Joe fall for Darren--seeing his shifting views through his eyes and thoughts--is beautiful and tragic. And just when it gets to that part of the book where the two would be expected to become a couple, BAM! Not so much. Enter Luke (also a senior) and Eli (who attended the school last year but with whom Joe has a college class). All of a sudden, Darren is out of Joe's life as Joe becomes infatuated with these other two men. I found both Luke and Eli to be unlikable characters. First, it felt like they were cut out of the same mold both were gorgeous, had great bodies, and personas that oozed arrogance and self-awareness of how pretty they were. Second, they gave the impression of being borderline rapists both men initiated sex with Joe at times where either Joe didn't want it was completely inappropriate given the situation. They were pushy and seemed to only care about their gratification, even though they constantly told Joe how much they wanted him. Luke indicated that he knew Darren cared for Joe and that they probably had something special and encouraged Joe to try to make it up with Darren, yet at the same time he would jump Joe every chance he got. Even when Joe discovers that Darren is depressed and slowly retreating into the world, he'll briefly mention his regret over his actions but immediately, once again, Luke enters the picture and all Joe can think about is sex (which he admonishes himself for when it's with Darren, but can't get enough of when it's with the other two). Then there was the whole threesome scene, at which point my eyes were constantly rolling. Finally toward the end Joe started realizing that he didn't want to be with Luke or Eli and that he missed Darren (but not before repeatedly acknowledging this and then blatantly disregarding it to have sex with Luke or Eli). He confessed all of this to Darren but I found his reasons weak and unsympathetic. To me, Darren was the strongest character, and the only one who remained true until the very end. I understand what Kilhey was trying to accomplish with Joe's trials and tribulations, but I don't think she pulled it off very well. The constant sex scenes with Joe and Luke or Eli felt superfluous and meaningless; in a different context they might have been hot but I was so repulsed by all three characters that I couldn't get into them. Whereas Joe's relationship with Darren felt realistic and carefully crafted, his relationship with Luke and Eli felt superficial and fake. Their parts felt like they should have belonged in a different story.
Except what was mentioned above, I found the rest of the book very believable. Coming from a rural town myself, I've seen firsthand the hate and disgust that Joe and Darren experienced. The actions of Joe's abusive father felt realistic as opposed to stereotypical. I loved how raw and emotional this book got. That's what drew me in and kept me from putting this book down for the first 60%.
Overall, I'm not sure how much I can recommend this book. While I loved most of it, the things I detested reign supreme in my memories of this story. I think there are better coming of age/coming out stories out there, but $2.99's not a bad price if you're really desperate for something to read. Books within this theme/genre that I liked much better are Thinking Straight by Robin Reardon, Falling From The Sky by Nikki Godwin, Pinned by Maris Black, and Us Three by Mia Kerick (which does have a m/m/m relationship but was handled beautifully and believably).
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